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Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life


Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life

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    Available in PDF Format | Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life.pdf | English
    Margalis Fjelstad(Author)
People with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorders are master manipulators; Caretakers fall for them every time. This book helps Caretakers break the cycle and puts them on a new path of personal freedom, discovery, and self-awareness, through the use of real stories and practical suggestions from a seasoned therapist.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading Fjelstad's book and I found it informative, exciting, and above all very well written. Fjelstad is truly honest and frank about the fact that the borderline and narcissist are mentally ill and unwilling to change. She is open about the fact that caretakers too get something from the situation and that it is up to them to break the cycle of caretaking since the BP or NP is not going to change their ways. Fjelstad's advice is well thought out and practical which makes them easier to follow and she provides the reader with specific ideas and examples to how the caretaker can make the changes needed to rid themselves of the power that the BP or NP has over them... [T]he book is excellent material for anyone that is living with or has any involvement with a BP or a NP, close or distant, since the book fosters understanding of the disorders and the need of the caretaker. The book can be of great use to psychology student, especially those in clinical psychology or those focusing on personality disorders. Metapsychology Online Reviews Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist is refreshingly no-nonsense, provides lots of useful hints on how to put this self-care model into practice while at the same time informing thoroughly and in no uncertain terms about the BP/NP's view of the world. It is a most helpful book! Addiction / Sucht / Adiccion

4.4 (5670)
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Book details

  • PDF | 228 pages
  • Margalis Fjelstad(Author)
  • Rl; Reprint edition (14 Aug. 2014)
  • English
  • 4
  • Health, Family & Lifestyle
Read online or download a free book: Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life

Review Text

  • By Stephanie Thompson on 20 August 2016

    A good book for explaining the trap of becoming what's called a 'caretaker' of someone with a deep personality disorder. However it is evident quite early on that its agenda is to argue for separation from the affected individual. I found it unempathetic towards those with NPD/BPD who are themselves victims of genetic/early life dysfunctions. If one does decide separation is the best solution, the book is very good at describing the changes needed in lifestyle approaches.

  • By Kindle Customer on 25 July 2017

    I have read and re-read this book. Very, helpful and informative in understanding the behaviour of a narcissistic character. True for me. It made me see that this behaviour is not normal and has nothing to do with you. The book gives you communication strategies and tips for living your life better and to not blame your self and how to get your life back and climb out of the cloud of drama, confusion, and blaming that is created by the narcissist. I choose to walk away now, if there is a rage. I stick up for myself now more. I repeat requests rather than get into a dialogue. I am making my own life more and am working on getting a job so I will have more choices...and realising that I am a worthy human being just like everyone else. Thank you x

  • By eggwellfried on 18 June 2017

    Excellent book for anyone who is, or has been, in a relationship where inexplicable things took place on the part of their partner. This book explains in great detail the traits of BPDs/NPDs. A must read for anyone who suspects their partner's behaviours are not quite right. Also advices the choices that can be made by the long-suffering partner in these relationships

  • By Sarer S on 6 April 2017

    Some useful tips, although I was shocked by the prejudice at the end of the book against BPD people. They are individuals many of whom are wonderful, Narcisists are not easier to deal with in my experience. Other books I have read less polarised with equally helpful info.

  • By L C-Pardoe on 29 April 2017

    Fantastic book. Highly recommended

  • By rebecca lloyd-bennett on 9 January 2016

    Incredible think it might just well have saved my life. I have felt looked after my mom since childhood, until now in my 30's I have become very run down and ill. Although I have always done what I can for her she has always managed to make me feel riddled with guilt. After reading this book I have been set free!!! I have got her to move out, and am now building a life for myself. I am starting to feel better. When feelings of guilt come over me I say to myself that they are just thought distortions from years of mental abuse and that I have done nothing wrong. Slow I am getting there. I have now started to sleep at night a bit more. I am less tired, and I am feeling more happy. Before this book I didn't even realise to what extent my life was so different to everyone else's. This is a must read !!!

  • By Francisca on 30 January 2015

    I wish I had come across this book many years ago, then maybe I wouldn't have wasted my life away in relationships that weren't worth the amount of pain I am still going through. Now I understand what has been going on in my life for a long time, why my relationships have failed, why every time I tried harder and harder only to be terribly disappointed all over again. I haven't even read half of the book yet but I want to leave here my testimony, for whatever is worth, in the hope that it will help people like me read this book. Too bad that in the UK there is no specialized help for partners of people who suffer from Borderline, because that is what I felt I needed even before I came across this book. My now almost ex-husband had to diagnose himself, although I looked in my notes for a therapist we both had therapy with and one of the subjects to discuss with her had been whether he might suffer from Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The tragedy is that you have to come up with the options as the professionals don't seem to be able to. She didn't want to discuss it as she felt that this would take the responsibility of the way he had abused me away from my husband but if he is ill he is ill, there is no way around it and we could have both received more appropriate help. In a way the lack of support also meant that now I am out of this relationship but still going through an awful time trying to secure enough money to live into old age so the nightmare is not over yet!With every page I want to shout YES, that is us, that is me..... our story is written all over this book. Now I see the true madness of our relationship but the sad part is that there was a lot of love too, at least from my side, as I can't answer for him. I thought that this relationship was the crowing on my difficult life, that we were going to grow old together.... Now I see that not only was he in need of urgent help but me too! After reading the book "Call off the search" I had a session with Andrew Wallas. When I told him that my husband is ill he told me that I am ill too. I was not happy to hear that, after all I had done so much my best to make our relationship work, often on my own..... but yes, I was ill as well, and I am still ill because this will take many years to cure, if ever! I was a willing Caretaker, no one forced me. I did it with the best intentions but in the later years even I could see that the association with me, no matter how hard I tried, wasn't good for my husband. I still weep as I write this...... I still feel that I failed him but maybe, as I read on, I will be able to get over it! More and more I come to the conclusion that there aren't many good therapists, so many times reading a book written by a really good one is worth a lot more than months or years of expensive therapy. That said the book does have a lot of repetitions which is a problem of many modern self-help books but.. despite that.... very much worth reading!Right now I have the feeling that I have wrecked my life and my health. I am at a point in my life where I won't be able to build a career anymore, maybe not even to get a decent job, so I am facing a terrible old age if I survive that far, but at least my soul will have found some peace! Even my hotshot lawyer is trying to rip me off. The fact that my husband doesn't seem to recognise his role in the failing of our relationships (although he does realise that he suffers from BPD and that he abused me) and doesn't care about what happens to me is extremely painful. But it was very healing to read in this book that I did my best under extremely difficult circumstances (a couple of therapist said so too, but so far I wasn't convinced, now I am!). The book seems to be about staying with the BPD/NP which is not my case. I wish it focused more on people who got out of the relationship, how they can get their lives back on track and leave behind a terrible time of their lives! As far as getting psychological help in the UK I have no illusions, as most help offered is very scarce and very generalist. One thing is for sure..... I will probably end up with nothing and facing a terrible old age, even though I should have right to quite a bit of money but I will get out with my dignity intact! No money in the world pays for that and I am writing a book which I hope will bring hope to people like me!As far as the abuse goes I read a very good book which I also sent to my husband and which made him come to terms with all the abuse that went on in our relationship: "Why does he do that".I will update my review when I finish reading this book! Because there is so little support for partners of people with BPD/NPD I have started a page on Facebook also connected to abuse: Victims of Domestic Abuse and Partners of BPD/NPD ( Not all people suffering from BPD/NPD go on to abuse their partners but because that was my reality I hope that such a page will help people by offering support to one another and sharing information.

  • By Alex on 6 February 2017

    The best book I've read on the subject of NPD (and I've read many) Most books on the subject, in a nutshell, end up telling you there's little or nothing you can do to cure someone with NPD so you may as well just 'get out'. This ignores the fact that many readers are dealing with close family members with NPD or APD. This is the only book I've found that gives really useful practical advice on how to make constructive changes to improve your relationship and getting your life back when 'getting out' is not a preferred option e.g. wanting to avoid breaking up a family where young children are involved.

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